Fall Festival (20.5 months and 7 weeks)

Saturday was fall festival.  Austin's school invited all families to come to a local farm.  The farm had pumpkins, hay rides, mazes, and a corn filled play area.  We were excited about it.  The weather was perfect.  We got there and Brian found a really good pumpkin for the kids fall pictures so he bought that. Then we walked around and Austin played with some things.  There were farm animals that people could look at.  I was not a big fan of that because of its dirtiness.  In fact, Brian told me to wait outside the barn so Austin could have some fun without mommy screaming.  I gladly did that.  Once Austin came back out I sanitized his hands.  I don't want to know what Austin and Brian did inside the barn.  We went on a hayride.  Austin seemed to really like that.  He liked looking for pumpkins in the field.  Towards the end of the evening, Austin played in a box filled with corn.  It took him a while to get in but once he did he loved it.

While Austin was playing, Brian was socializing with other parents.  It's nice to meet other parents.  However I am not good at starting conversations so good thing Brian has no problem with that. We met a couple who's daughter started in the infant room about 2 months ago.  Sydney will be joining her soon.  We had a really good time with Austin.  It was nice for the three of us to get out.

While we were out, my parents had Sydney.  I realized late last week that Sydney hates the bottle.  Brian would feed Sydney in the evenings when I took a nap.  During that time she would cry a lot and spit up.  We thought that was Sydney's cranky time and did not think much else about it.  My mom fed her a bottle during the day last week and it was the same situation.  She fights the bottle and screams.  It's a very painful process for the person feeding her and Sydney.  Gratefully my parents were still willing to watch her for a few hours while we went to fall festival.

Obviously this is a major problem.  We never had this problem with Austin.  Austin was basically bottle fed with breast milk for the first 6 months.  Everyone knows the benefits of breast milk.  I was and still am very dedicated to giving my children the very best nutrition therefore they receive breast milk.  Breast feeding is extremely difficult!!!  With Austin, he would not latch on.  My nipples were cracked and sore.  Breast feeding him was so painful that I could not do it.  Therefore I chose to pump exclusively.  Early on with Austin I was pumping every 2 hours around the clock.  It was insane!  I had a freezer full of breast milk for a later date.  I was scared I could run out of breast milk so I kept pumping like a crazy women!  It was so time consuming.  I had to pump, clean all the parts and bottles, then fed him.  When he reached 6 months, I could not wait to stop pumping!!  By that time, I hated pumping so much.

With Sydney, I was determined that breast feeding was going to go better.  Luckily after the first night in the hospital she has latched on and we developed good breast feeding habits.  However my right nipple was cracked until she was 6 weeks old.  Therefore it was still painful when she nursed on that side.  Finally it healed.  Now breast feeding does not hurt at all.  And I thought I would never say this but breast feeding is actually easier than bottle feeding now.  There are no bottles or supplies to wash.  I always have milk for her.  There is no warming process of the milk.  And I can do it easily with 1 hand!  That is invaluable when I have Austin to care for.  Everything is suppose to be great but its not because she hates the bottle and I go back to work in 3 weeks!

I cannot believe I am in this situation!  We have switched to the Avent bottle because they are wider and slower flowing.  It seems to be a little better but definitely not perfect.  Sydney still hates it.  I have so many feelings right now about this I could scream.  I struggled so much with Austin making sure I provided him with breast milk the hard way.  This time breast feeding is finally going how it should go and now she hates the bottle.  So of course I feel guilty about working.  Maybe I should stay home with the kids.  Is Sydney telling me that she needs me and not to leave her?   I hate this feeling.

I don't want to be a stay at home mom.  Daycare has been so beneficial for Austin.  He gets to do things he would never do at home with me.  Plus the social interaction for him is so valuable.  Not to mention, I worked hard for my degree and career.  I like my job and the social interaction I get.  Working part time is the best of both worlds.  I get to be at home with the kids and keep my career.  Now I just need to get Sydney on board with this plan.

I pumped today and then fed her my milk.  It did not go well.  She screamed and screamed.  This was so hard for me.  Sydney usually does not cry much with me.  She usually gets to nurse and she is happy baby. Finally she did eat 2 ounces of milk for me.  It was a very painful process and took an hour.  If Austin was home, there is no way I could have done this.  What am I going to do?  Luckily my mom will help me when she can because I don't have much time to figure this out.  When Brian is home, Austin wants to be with him.  So Brian is not able to fed Sydney unless Austin is asleep.  However if I nurse Sydney before bed, she will sleep longer.  Plus in the evenings, everyone is tired and no one wants to listen to a screaming baby!

 My plan for the moment is to continue to try and give her at least one bottle a day.  On Austin's daycare days I plan to fed her two bottles during the day.  And slowly increase it to four bottles during the day by the time she goes to daycare.  All I need her to do is take a bottle during daycare days and occasionally when Brian and I go out for a few hours.  The rest of the time, I will gladly nurse her.  Only if Sydney could understand that.

On Sunday morning we took the kids to the park to get some fall pictures of them.  It was warm so Sydney could be outside. It is hard to get a newborn and toddler to pose for pictures.  We are learning on how to best do this.  Brian is learning how to use his new camera.  I am learning on how to entertain Austin so he looks and hopefully smiles for the pictures Brian is taking.  Once thing we both learned is we need a lot of patience.  Early on during the photo shoot, Sydney's blanket blew away and ended up in the lake.  Not a great way to start but we moved past it and got some good pictures.

Today is our 8th year wedding anniversary.  We were going to go out to dinner together but with Sydney's bottle issues and Austin always needing a lot of attention we decided we should be with them.  We may go out to dinner with the kids but it will be causal.