Back to work (13 weeks)

This week, I went back to work full time. I have dreaded this week. I loved staying home with Austin. I was not ready to go back to work however 12 weeks has gone by already. This week was the worst week of my life! I cried a lot! I would cry when I would leave the house. I would cry after Brian called me to let me know how dropping off Austin at daycare went. I would cry at work while pumping. I would cry myself to sleep every night. It was depressing. I was miserable.



Brian really helped me out this week. Brian took Austin to daycare every morning even though Austin’s daycare is at my work. I just could not have done that. I was too upset. Brian made lunches every night. Also he helped with dinner. It was really nice. On Friday, Brian and Austin were off so they spent the day at home together cleaning the house. It was wonderful when I came home to a nicely clean house. Brian has made sure I got as much time with Austin as possible. He now gets up with Austin at night to help me try and get some sleep.


I do not sleep well anymore. I stay awake at night thinking about work and how I miss Austin. So with little sleep and being so depressed made it an ugly week! Brian has been getting up more than me at night with Austin. I have mixed feelings on that. When I was off work, I did not mind getting up with him. I found it special bonding time with him. Now I want that time more than ever however I cannot function without some sleep.

Melissa was really nice. She sent me flowers at work on Monday. It really helped brighten my day. They were on my desk all week. When my eyes would tear up, I would look at the flowers and it would make me smile.

I have been exhausted. Every night after dinner, Austin and I would take a nap together. We were both wore out from our crazy day. People saying that breastfeeding makes you more tired. I can see how that is true. When I was home with Austin, I was not nearly as busy as I am now. If I was tired, I could try and take a nap when Austin napped. Unfortunately I do not get a nap at work!

Austin has a little cold. I knew that he would get sick once he started daycare. He started Monday and showed signs of a runny nose Wednesday morning. Luckily I am breastfeeding him which gives him my antibodies to help fight viruses and infections. Brian has to suction out his nose a few times a day. Even though I am a nurse, I do not like to do it because he hates it so much. I know it’s for his own good but if Brian is home, I make him do it. We even got Austin a vaporizer to try and help him sleep at night with his stuffy nose. It seems to help a little bit. Yes that picture is me checking him with a stethoscope - Brian made fun of me already, but I am worried!

Austin seems to be doing okay with daycare. He was getting up twice a night for a little while instead of only once but that is getting a little better. However the first two days I picked him up, he was screaming his head off. That did not make this any easier for me. I felt horrible as it was and when he was screaming I felt even worse. He gets to do things at daycare that he would not do at home so all and all I guess it is good.

Sunday was Easter. We took Austin’s Easter pictures at home. We went to Sears once and got professional pictures taken. They were horrible. Brian decided we could do it better at home ourselves. He brought some professional photo lights and backgrounds. We come up with our own ideas for pictures. It works out because when Austin is in a good mood we take his pictures. If he's not, then we just wait until later. No appointment necessary. I love all the Easter pictures we got of him. He is so cute!

Being a parent, is the best thing ever. I am really enjoying our family together. Brian is a great dad. He is so good with Austin. Austin loves playing with his daddy. Brian holds Austin in a way so he can see everything. Plus he holds him like an airplane and Austin just loves it. I do not play with him like that but I hold and rock him. We bought a new rocking chair. It is great. It rocks, reclines, and swivels. Austin likes it.

We will see what next week brings. Hopefully things will continue to fall into place.



Here are more of the Easter photos we took at home ourselves:

Last week of maternity leave (12 weeks)

This is my last week of maternity leave. It started off good with a trip to the zoo on Sunday when it was 80 degrees. We got a zoo pass so we can go whenever we want. The end of my maternity leave has been extremely sad for me. I never thought I would feel like I do. I have so many mixed emotions that I have to figure out. I have loved being home with Austin. Even though I have had so many challenges being a new mom I would not change a thing. It really has been a wonderful adventure. Being a mom is more than I ever expected. My life is now all about Austin.


I'm really glad Brian and I waited so long before having children because we did everything we wanted to and now we are enjoying parenthood. This week we went to our final Cavs game as season ticket holders. It was sad for us because we have enjoyed going to all of those games over the past 5 years. It was something we always did together even when our lives got a little crazy. Before the game I tweated Moondog and during the game Moondog came over and gave me an autographed basketball. I put it in Austins room because once he gets older he will love it. Brian and I look forward to going to more Cavs games as a family.

Usually I am not that emotional of a person but this week I think I have cried everyday. On Tuesday Austin and I went to our last breastfeeding support group. I have met so many wonderful moms and babies there. We all have a special bond because of all the difficulties we had breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is extremely difficult to do but once you get use to it things are much easier. I am grateful I am able to breastfeed. I am no longer physically breastfeeding however I pump 5-6 times a day. Austin only gets breast milk. It has been working out. I really think this group helped me not have postpartum depression. I enjoyed going there every week. On the way home from it I cried and cried. I was so sad.


Thursday night was rough because I knew Friday was my last day of my maternity leave. It is heartbreaking for me. Brian and I finally figured everything out and settled into a routine as parents. We are happy and now we have to go through even more changes and figure out a new routine. It’s going to be a challenge for all of us.

Friday we all went to the daycare to drop off forms and ask questions. It went surprising well. I brought a box of tissues and did not even need them (I now drive around with a box of tissues in my car). I am still really sad about going back to work but at least now I think I can do it. Before the daycare, visit I was not so sure. Brian is taking Austin to daycare on Monday because it will be too hard for me to drop him off. I was going to go too but decided it was best if I did not. This way Austin won't see me upset and start to feel uneasy himself.

I'm going to enjoy this weekend with my family. We are going to take it one day at a time. I really hope everything works out.

Myrtle Beach Videos (10 - 11 weeks old)

Austin eating in his car seat on the drive down

Austin playing on his playmat in the backseat

Melissa introduces Austin to the dogs while Amy watches nervously in horror

Melissa and Jonathan change a diaper

Austin in his stroller at the outlet mall

Austin puts his feet in the Atlantic Ocean

Amy puts Austin in the car and Melissa brushes his teeth with a snow brush

Austin on his playmat at a rest area on the drive home

Sky Tower Photo

Looking back through some photos, we saw this one of us on the top of Sky Tower in Auckland, New Zealand. I didn't remember Austin being there, but the photo evidence suggests otherwise.

Trip to Myrtle Beach (11 weeks old)

Austin went on his first vacation this week. We left early Friday morning at 3:30am. I woke up at 2am and pumped and got ready. Then Austin woke up so we got him ready and we left for Myrtle Beach.

I realized that Austin has a lot of stuff that we needed to pack for him. We wanted him to have all of his comforts from home. So we had to pack the Boppy, bouncer, and play gym. Plus of course his diapers, changing pads, lots of clothes, and all the breast milk. I am so glad we have a small SUV instead of a little car because everything barely fit in our Ford Escape.



When we left the house, I sat up in the front seat with Brian and we talked. We only got a few hours of sleep so we were both tired but talking helped keep us awake. We stopped for gas in the morning around 7am then I moved to the back seat so I could feed Austin in his car seat. About an hour later, we stopped at McDonalds for breakfast. We took Austin out of his car seat and let him play on the table in McDonalds. We covered it with blankets and Brian’s coat so he was not exposed to germs. We wanted him to get some exercise since he had to spend so much time in his car seat. While I was ordering, people came and talked to Brian. It is funny that strangers will come up to him when he's alone with Austin. Everyone loves Austin. People don't seem to stop by when the mom is there though.


We also stopped for lunch at Wendy’s and did the same thing as McDonalds. It really worked out well. Brian was also really nice and got his play mat gym out and set it up in the backseat of our car so Austin could play in the parking lot for a little bit. Austin loved it!


It took us 12 ½ hours to get to Myrtle Beach. We stayed at Auntie Melissa’s and Uncle Bear’s house for the first few nights. We basically moved into their house. They quickly realized how much stuff little Austin has. Austin slept in our room in his pack and play. We did not know how he would like sleeping in his pack and play but he slept fine. The only thing is he makes a lot of noises in his sleep. So it was hard for us to ignore all of his crazy noises throughout the night but we got better as the week went on.





Saturday night Melissa, Jonathan, Brian and I went to a murder mystery dinner at the House of Blues. It was a lot of fun! Grandma babysat Austin for us. It was a great night. Melissa is crazy. The two people next to her were murdered. She got to interview the woman for a while. It was so funny!




On Saturday and Sunday morning we went to Dino’s for breakfast. We took Austin and he was so good. Everyone there loved him. It is amazing how good of a baby Austin is. We are truly blessed.





On Monday morning we moved over to Brian’s mom house. Austin took over another house. On Monday, we went to Broadway on the beach and walked around with Grandma and Uncle Bear. Austin had a lot of fun. Brian carried him around so he could see everything. Austin even sat on his first dinosaur. After that we went to Auntie Melissa’s and Grandpa Mike’s work to say hello.




After Auntie Melissa got home from work, we all went to the beach with Austin. This was Austin’s first trip to the beach. The temperature outside was around 80 however it was extremely windy so it felt much cooler. The water was also a little cool but we thought it was okay to put Austin’s feet in the water. We were surprised that he did not mind it at all. He liked it. We got some family pictures at the beach.




We had a lot of fun in Myrtle Beach visiting everyone. Austin really liked his trip and took a lot of things in. You can tell he is absorbing everything he sees and does. In fact on Tuesday we basically slept all day and night because we had wore him out so much. While we were there, Austin turned over from his stomach to his back for the first time (April 1). It was exciting!



It took us a little less than 12 hours to get home. We left around 2:30am after Austin woke up. It was nice because Grandma got Austin all ready while we packed up the car and I pumped. We were amazed how quickly things went when we did not have to get Austin ready too. We have learned it takes us much longer when we have to get Austin ready too.

Austin slept most of the way home. In fact, he got at 730am and ate a bottle in his car seat and did not get back up until 930am. Then we stopped at McDonalds again for breakfast. Since we were making such good time, we did not stop for lunch. We did stop at a rest area. Brian got Austin’s play mat out again and put it on a picnic table so he could play for a little bit. It was a nice day out so he enjoyed it.


We are now home and all a little tired. Brian and I got very little sleep again last night. Austin is getting use to being back home and sleeping in his crib. We all hope to get a good night's sleep.